The Actually Pretty Funny trope as used in popular culture. Some lines are so good even the humorless cant help cracking up at the Magnificent Bastards. Clean and Funny Good Jokes from Will and Guy Air Crash Victims True Im always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be. A resource page for all things funny at NobleWorks, from Top 10 Lists and Jokes of the Funny and Dirty Kind to Customer Reviews and Publicity. The Colbert Report Series Comedy Central Official Site. Create custom tshirts and personalized shirts at CafePress. Use our easy online designer to add your artwork, photos, or text. Design your own t shirt today As Americas most fearless purveyor of truthiness, Stephen Colbert shines a light on egodriven punditry, moral hypocrisy and government incompetence, raising the. Noel Fielding is the new host of Great British Bake Off heres all you need to know about the Mighty Boosh star and popular comedian. Doug is an American animated series. The series premiered on Nickelodeon in 1991, and production continued until 1993. A new series titled Brand Spanking New Doug. I think describing himself as a comedian is the only funny thing the man has ever said. Dont bother telling me that I dont get it I dont want it. Good Jokes. Funny short stories and tales . Our criteria for a Good Joke. Our Good Jokes are clean and suitable for you to tell at a family gatherings. Many of these jokes can be spun out to make a short story. Americas Funniest Home Videos often simply abbreviated to AFHV or its onair abbreviation AFV is an American video clip television series on the American. Get up to the minute entertainment news, celebrity interviews, celeb videos, photos, movies, TV, music news and pop culture on ABCNews. Haru-in-Kitty-Form-the-cat-returns-26221151-648-352.jpg' alt='Funny Comedian Videos The Cat Returns ' title='Funny Comedian Videos The Cat Returns ' />Sponsored Links 1 A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day. In English. he said, A double negative forms. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative. A loud voice from the back of. Yeah, right. 2 Robert went to his lawyer and said, I would like to make a will but I dont. The lawyer smiled at Robert and. Not a problem, leave it all to me. Robert looked somewhat upset and said, Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too. Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and. Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here. The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last. thing they do is put their cat out. The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in. Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house. My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother. Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out. A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, Why. Well,. replied the jay walker, I hope its. Air Crash Victims True Im always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that. What I cant understand. Paul Merton, English comedian. Difficult Landing. The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a Thanks for flying XYZ airline. An airline pilot on this. In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a. However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, Sonny, mind if I ask you a question. Why no Maam,  said the pilot, What is it, the little old lady. Did we land or were we shot down. Collection of Good Jokes About Church and Marriage. The Marriage. Paula, a mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter. Janets plane to land. Janet had just come back from abroad trying to find. As Janet was exiting the plane, Paula. Janet introduced. Paula gasped out loud in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, I. Doctor. a rich DoctorMarriage Two. Husband Sweetheart, would you say that Im. Watch When Marnie Was There Movie Online. Wife Of course you are. Why do all men. ask me the same silly questionAfter the Honeymoon. Rupert and Elaine, a young couple, got married and went happily on their. When they got back, Elaine immediately phoned her mother and. How was the honeymoon, dearestOh, Ma,. So romantic. Then Elaine. But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Rupert started using. Ive never heard before I mean. Youve got to come get me and take me. Please Ma. Calm down, Elaine, said her mother, Tell me. What 4 letter wordsStill sobbing, Elaine. Oh, Ma. words like dust, wash, cook, and iron. Going To Church. I didnt see you in church last Sunday, Perkins. I hear you were out. Thats not true, Vicar. And Ive got the fish to prove it. My Word, Thats a Heavy Fish, Doc. Doctor Dermot Reid from Fareham in Hampshire, England, was famous in. South Hants for always catching large fish and for winning fishing trophies. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips in the Test. Valley he got a call that a woman at Croppers Farm was giving birth. He. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so Doctor Reid used his. The baby weighed 2. The Wedding MC Joke Book. How even a nervous, first time. Wedding MC with no comedy experiencecan. Buy Here Only 1. Quasimodos Replacement. After Quasimodos death. Bishop Thomas of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets. Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he. After observing while several applicants. Just then a. lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply. Bishop Thomas was incredulous. You have no. arms. No matter, said the man, observe He then began striking the bells. The bishop. listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable. Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a bell. The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached. the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the. As they silently parted. Bishop, who was this man I dont know his name, the bishop sadly replied, but his face rings a. Who Reads NewspapersA Funny and Alternative View. The Wall Street. Journal is read by the people who run the country. The New York Times is. The Washington Post is. USA Today is read. The. Washington Post. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldnt. The Boston Globe. The New York. Daily News is read by people who arent too sure whos running the country. The New York Post is read by people who dont care whos running the. The San Francisco. Chronicle is read by people who arent sure there is a country, or that a. The Miami Herald is read by. The Chicago Tribune is read by. Midwest, which readers of the other newspapers dont. House Buying A Humorous Tale. The building is all completed and. Alex wants some poor and. A meeting is. arranged between Alex, the main contractor and a sub contractor, site. A tour is planned of the. Alex points. out badly fitting window frames, the site agent makes some notes and the. Green side up. They move to the first floor and Alex points out badly fitted and missing. Green side up. On the 2nd floor more problems are highlighted, radiator leaking, exposed. Green side up. This is too much. The safety manager has to ask. So he says, Every time. Green side up. What on earth does that mean The sub contractor shakes his head ruefully and says, I have four blokes. Sothebys Auction, London An Amusing. Anecdote. The bidding was proceeding furiously and strong when the Head. Auctioneer suddenly announced, A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet. If returned, he will pay a reward of two. There was a moments silence in the auction house. Two thousand five hundred. A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their. The waitress watched as the man slid. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the. waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, Pardon me, maam, but I think your husband just slid under the table. The woman calmly looked up at her and replied. No he didnt.   He just walked in the door. Short and Sweet Joke. Wheres. the English ChannelSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see. Watson replies, I see millions of stars. What does that tell you. Watson ponders for a minute. Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, its. Lord is all powerful and we are small and. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.